Stages Of Life.

Someone once told me, after watching our active children, they missed "our stage in life".  Meaning their kids were in college or just about in college and they missed the days when you had to dress each child, feed them, change at least one in diapers, etc.  That is my stage in life...the "young family" stage. 

I tried to think about the different stages of life and what they should be called so here they are in case you are wondering what stage you are in...or on.

Baby Stage...you don't remember this stage, but there is pictures to prove you were once fat and cute at the same time.

Toddler Stage...you remember about 4 things about this stage and most of them involve toys, something your grandma did and hating going to day care.  It is the stage where you get all the attention in the world whether you are good or bad.

School Age Stage...you played with your buddies at recess and during PE and then pretty much just existed in your desk until 3:30.  You lived for Summer and Saturday morning cartoons.  Diet was pretty much chocolate milk and PB&J.

Middle School Stage...pretty much erased from memory because of chemical imbalance, but you learned how to brush your teeth on your own during this time.  Also wondered why your parents yelled so much.  Sports and activities ruled your every thought.  Diet was anything with nutritional value...or that your dumb buddies dared you to eat.

High School Stage...you played with your buddies during study hall and lunch, pretty much existed in your desk until 3:30.  Got your own car and lived for Summer and Saturday nights.  Diet was Mountain Dew and Pizza.  Sports, activities and the opposite sex ruled your every thought.

College/First Job Stage...You played with your buddies while skipping class at college, learned that studying until 3:30 AM was now necessary.  Found out what rent was.  Bought a suit...like one with pants that matched the coat.  Diet consisted of food that you cooked yourself...mostly of the Kraft Mac & Cheese variety cold cereal or anything cheap.

Newlywed Stage...You hang with your wife all the time and your buddies wonder why you don't hang with them anymore.  Found out what a mortgage really is.  Bought another suit because that old one got smaller.  Learned how to plumb a house, wire a house and do laundry.  Also learned that dishwashers aren't just "loaded" there is a method to how you load it.  Forgot a birthday and an anniversary and paid dearly for it.

New Parent Stage...yes, your child is the cutest....you don't remember much of this due to lack of sleep but there is a computer full of photos of you and the baby....you devote all your attention to your new little bundle of a human, and your bride or groom wonders why you don't hang with them anymore, forget about your old college roommates.  You spend a fortune on strollers, diaper bags, onsies, and primary colored toys.  You obsess with controlling the environment of your child...ie...cleanliness, personal safety space, stranger danger...etc.

Young Family Stage....usually you have about 2.5 kids by this time.  The oldest is usually in grade school and also doubles as some super cheap babysitting for short stints of 15 to 20 minutes.  The middle one is into everything and has a mouth that doesn't quit...that child is usually responsible  for sayings like, "Well, that's weird underpants!"  The baby isn't pampered, only diapered, it has hand-me-down everything and a stroller with 2 broken wheels.  Your thought goes from, "Ohh the safety gate at the top of the steps is open....to...you know if she falls down the steps once, she won't do it again."  You are on the board of everything and a night at home means the kids think one of you is sick.

High School Family Stage...a lot of yelling, sporting events, chorus and band concerts and at least one wrecked car.  Your kids don't hang out with you...they hang out with their buddies all the time.  Family vacations are spent trying to convince your children to stand by you while waiting to go on a ride or sitting in the same booth as you while eating at Applebee's in some strange town.  Homework is a family affair and you realize that staying up untill 3:30 AM is necessary again so you understand what you kid is learning in H.S.

Empty Nest Stage...This is when you focus on your job/office/career, or your Temple of Peace & Quiet as you used to call it when the house was a wild kid party.  During this time most men buy a Harley or an old car and pretend they are still in their 30-somethings.  Women remember that you can do laundry in 3 or 4 loads, until the college kids come back.  This is also the stage in life when most kids come back to live in their parents home.

Grandparent Stage...This is when you focus on your kid's kids hoping that the 4 to 5 hours a day your kid dumps them at your house is enough for you to impact their little lives before your kids go screwing up your grandkids again.  You NEVER tell the little tots NO to anything and when you do it is because after 3 days of "babysitting" your grandkids you are starting to wear thin.  Most evenings are spent watching something on the History Channel at a very loud volume.

Nursing Home Stage....See Baby Stage, pretty much the same thing.

OH, by the way, Tyler and Heather, welcome to your next stage in life...note Tyler Wipf's blog.