South Dakota Barbies To Hit The Shelves Soon

My buddies and I had fun with this chain e-mail a few weeks ago and I thought I would share it. It seems the folks at Matel are making a few new Barbies for '08 to fit the stereotypes that our major cities of South Dakota have developed over the years...enjoy.


Sioux Falls Barbie:
This queen Barbie is sold only at Macy's. She comes with an assortment of Chanel Handbags, a Volvo, a French poodle named Charisse, and a Lincoln County McMansion. Plastic surgery available upon request. Hey, she has to look beautiful when she works at KELOland TV. CitiBank Ken sold separately, but don't tell Barbie that Ken has an apartment in Sioux Falls' slum suburb Tea! Sold at all shops in beautiful downtown Sioux Falls and by street peddlers along the Phillips' to the Falls city namesake.


Rapid City Barbie:
This tough little sport comes with optional hiking boots or mountain bike. When she's not selling magnets at Mount Rushmore, she can be spotted off-roading in her Jeep Wrangler or running on the Mickelson Trail. Inhaler included to give relief during forest fires. Buy her while you can because Ken works at Ellsworth and might be getting transferred!

Spearfish/Hill City Barbie:
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, no makeup and always wears Teva or Chacco sandals. She prefers that you call her Ocean . She does not want or need a Ken doll. Sold at the Sylvan Lake gift shop.

Aberdeen Barbie:
This "Frost Queen" comes with an entire winter wardrobe! Her parka can be modified to use as hip waders for the 10" spring rains that flood the downtown area. She drives a Grand Am, wears Lee Jeans and works out at the YMCA. Package includes a psychologist for seasonal depression. She comes with a Ken Doll and 4 kids that love to play at the Barbie Waterpark and Storybook Island playsets. Sold exclusively during the Brown County Fair.

Vermillion Barbie:
This young, hip girl ended up at the Division 2 school because her ACT wasn't good enough to get her into SDSU. She actually comes with her own pepper spray to fend off campus predators. Her USD sweater is made of real wool and her '97 Cavalier gets great mileage between the Empire Mall and Vermillion. Available DakotaDome play set with purchase of makeup. College Ken doll sold separately with broken cell phone... he never seems to calls back. Sold exclusively at the Shrine to Music Museum gift shop...how else would you get folks to visit.

Mitchell Barbie:
This brassy, tobacco-chewing gal comes with camouflage overalls, Cabela's Credit Card, and a rifle. She can be found just north of town shooting pheasants and drinking an ice cold brew. Cabela Ken available with purchase of Chevy Silverado and Congo Club play set. Sold only during tourist season on the basketball court of the Corn Palace.

Brookings Barbie:
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Einspahr Ford Windstar Minivan or uber-exotic Honda Odyssey Minivan with matching stay-at-home velour Wal*Mart sweats. She knows she has it so much better than her sister-in-law in Sioux Falls, after all Brookings has 3 malls...if you count the Brookings AutoMall. She gets lost easily while taking Stacy to her soccer games, due to the remarkable numbering of both avenues and streets in Brookville. Thanks to the Campanile she can find SDSU. She has no full-time occupation other than the PTA. Ken doll sold with matching Daktronics company car. Sold at Lowe's.

Sturgis Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, leather chaps, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about. Harley sold separately along with deadbeat Ken. Jail uniform available with purchase of Mobile Home play set. Sold at City Hall.

Huron Barbie:
This model comes dressed in her own Cruel Girl jeans, a NASCAR or Dakota State Fair Speedway t-shirt and Care Bears tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Johnny Cash CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and out-worked all the other guys on the "turkey wing cutting line" at Dakota Provisions. Push down on her head and watch her karate action kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when they leave The Red Arrow. Purchase her Schoenhard Ford dually F-350 pickup truck separately and get a #3 Earnhardt with angels' wings bumper sticker absolutely free. Sold at Humphry's Drug and Lewis Drug.

Deadwood Barbie:
She may be a 75 year-old, Brandy drinking, Virginia Slim smoking cuss, but she has more audacity than Calamity Jane. She listens only to Big and Rich. She just got out from Gambler's Anonymous and needs to get rid of some spare change. Deadwood Barbie has an "aces and 8's" tattoo on her wrist, and can be found in a "Saloon #10" t-shirt at the Monday night "Kevin Costner Fanclub" meeting just down the street from Cadillac Jack's Prime Rib Buffet. Ken comes free, but is usually working two jobs to keep a roof over their head. Sold only at the house of the really super tall guy that dresses like a cowboy and walks up and down main street.

Pierre Barbie:
She comes with scooter and a state employee ID card, bowling ball, pool stick and dart case. Khakis can be rolled into capris for social events at the RamKota. Ken available with purchase of fishing boat. Sold only at DakotaMart

Lake Byron Barbie:
This beautiful Byron babe is sold exclusively at Fowl Play Bar and Grill. When not chasing around two young sons, or wakeboarding, she can be found polishing up her skills with her AK-47 which she might soon use on Toolman Ken if he doesn’t get the house finished soon. Gun sold separately. No assembly required.

(Cousin Erkel added the Lake Byron one after the fact, and Steph loved it)